Satellites R Us

You have to admire the logic of some people. Or laugh at their audacity! Take, for example, a conversation I had with a friend a couple of days ago.

We had been discussing car navigation systems and I was marvelling at this technology. Isn’t it incredible that data can be collected for mapping, assembled into a meaningful format, beamed up by a satellite and finally sent back to our little electronic devices? And all in a matter of nano-seconds!

My non-techno mind boggles at this type of thing!

Not so, apparently, that of my learned friend. He evidently has more insight into such matters for, when I expressed my incredulousness at the above, he simply shrugged and said; “Well it’s really not all that complex. I mean, once you’ve got your satellite up there, it’s just a matter of…….”

My eyebrows flew skyward.

“Stop! Rewind!” I cried in disbelief (and not a small amount of amusement). For correct me if I am wrong here folks, but isn’t there something inherently wrong with a sentence that includes the words; “Once you’ve got your satellite up there…”?

I mean, who does this guy think he is? Neil Armstrong? Captain Kirk? Obi-Wan Kenobi? George Jetson? In his alternate universe (or mind?) does launching a satellite into outer space sit happily alongside feeding the cat, cutting your toenails or putting out the garbage — in terms of ‘everyday’ activities?

If so, I can just imagine the conversations at his place.

She: “Darling, what time will you be home for dinner?”

He: “Well, I’ll just check the encoder to see how long the space probe should take to push its way through the Equitorial orbit.” (Consults the small device imbedded in his wrist). “Hmmm. I should be back about six. Do you want me to pick up some frozen dinners from Pluto on my way through?”

Yes, okay, this example may be a little extreme. He wouldn’t actually pick up frozen dinners. If he’s really as clever as he makes out, he would get hot ones from Mars.

But all silliness aside, surely you can understand why it amuses (and somewhat disturbs me) to hear everyday, non-NASA people making glib statements about ‘getting your satellite up there’. As if my friend, or most people for that matter, could ever get a satellite ANYWHERE, let alone know how to make use of it!

Interestingly, my friend couldn’t understand my mirth.

“What?” he huffed defensively ... but I was too busy laughing to answer him.

Fortunately his pronouncement did have one worthwhile element. It provided me and my fellow diners with much amusement as I recounted the story over dinner later that day.

“I just don’t get why you think it’s so funny!” Captain Kirk cried in exasperation as I cried tears of laughter.

“All I meant,” he went on, “was that, once you get your satellite up there, the rest is a piece of cake! The technology already exists. We just tap into it”.

And he almost had me feeling contrite … until he added one last sentence.

“I mean, it’s not rocket science, is it?”

We all cracked up again.