The Universal Marshmallow Portal

While I was chatting on the phone the other night with my Number Two Son who’s living in London, he noticed the tell-tale signs of something being scoffed at my end of the line. Perhaps it was the odd muffled “Hmphlm!” that replaced some of my responses or maybe the sound of crinkling plastic that gave me away but, either way, he was onto me.

“I’m eating marshmallows,” I confessed to the sound of his jealous groans.

“Ooooh, I could sooooo eat some marshmallows right now!,” he whined and we began discussing how great it would be if I could just stuff some marshmallows into the phone and have them pop out at the other end of the line in Shepherds Bush, London. Just imagine if we could use technology in this way, we thought.

“It would be fabulous! A kind of Marshmallow Portal” chirped Number Two, his brain evidently whirring at all the stunning technological possibilities.

“We could patent the idea and get rich!” he added.

We began extending the concept even further; taking it beyond the idea of personal gain, glitz, fame and millionaire yachts and onto the much more serious issue of world hunger (and potential Nobel Peace Prizes).

Definitely ‘do-able’, we felt, despite the fact that at least one of us (moi) is arguably THE most technologically-challenged human being to have never gigged anyone’s byte (ever!) and would be hard pressed to design a fully functioning paper-clip, let alone a portal to an alternative universe full of healthy food!

However, undeterred, we pressed on with our vision of people everywhere going on-line to order a hearty plate of roast beef, three veg and some sticky date pudding and having it morph into their laps, complete with cutlery and a nice glass of red.

The only sticking point with our portal, we conceded, could be the lack of widespread access to the laptops, modems, broadband internet and power sources required to enable our Feed the World Roast plan to work.

Yes, this may put a spanner in the works but surely, we figured, between all of the world’s computer-nerds, government organisations and the United Nations they could sort out that little glitch, couldn’t they?

Our job, we felt, was merely to come up with the idea. Implementation was clearly someone else’s baby. After all, Creativity and Practicality are uneasy bedfellows (probably because Practicality snores loudly and is a big wowser).

Anyway, it was a nice thought. Not that it helped Number Two Son much with his marshmallow craving.

Pity about that, really. It would have been nice to have solved even one person’s food craving -- even if it did mean sacrificing a couple of my marshmallows to the greater good.

But fortunately….um…. I mean……sadly …..that wasn’t to be.

(And gee, they were yummy!)