Careering Off - A Negative Jobseeker's Guide

I know this might sound a bit negative, but I reckon we could save a lot of time helping job seekers if, instead of asking them what they would ‘like’ to do, we just cut to the chase and asked them what they would ‘hate’ to do.

For example, I was recently helping a young friend put his Resume together. I started off asking him questions about what he really liked doing. This was met mostly with a lot of shrugging, blank staring and ‘I dunno’ ing. Clearly, I was getting nowhere, so I decided to change tactic.

“Okay” I said, “Tell me about the subjects you hated most at school, starting with the yuckiest.”

His face lit up and he rattled of a litany of despised tasks before eventually working his way back to the things he actually liked doing. Finally, with a bit more probing, we came up with a bunch of possible areas in which he might excel in the future.

What started as a plunge into the murky pool of negativity ended up on a very positive note! The Resume was a success and I’m happy to report the young man is now happily employed in an area that suits him.

This experience got me thinking about careers that wouldn’t work for me.

Some examples and the reasons I would be unsuitable for these roles are:

Brain Surgeon: No good with squishy things and useless with drills.

Mathematics Teacher: Number challenged. Likely to ask things like “What is the square root of 1356?” only to respond with an astonished “Really?” when correct answer is supplied by 5th Grader.

Airline Pilot: Dodgy sense of direction. Could be heard announcing: “Ladies and gentleman, I know we all thought we were heading to Hawaii, but I …um…kinda misread the coordinates and instead we will soon be landing in down-town Beirut. Look, I know it’s not quite the holiday you had planned, but there’s still a fair bit of sand about!”

Lead guitarist in a heavy metal band: Guitar ability limited to 6 chords, scared of tattoos and not sure if paracetamol counts as a recreational drug.

Bus or truck driver: Whole buildings, footpaths and pedestrians could go missing due to my inability to judge correct corner-turning allowance.

Football commentator: Might get distracted and say things like, “And the cute one with the nice thighs handballs to the Adonis with the pecs!” While I’m sure many girls would love it, the die-hard footy fans might lynch me.

Chef: Suffice to say, I’m sure there would be many people willing to testify that this is not, nor ever should be, the career for me.

These are just a few of the things I’d be really bad at and I now realise why we don’t normally start the resume writing process from the negative position. It’s so depressing!

I can just imagine our hapless jobseeker after undergoing this process:

Prospective employer: “And what skills would you bring to this role, Bill?”

Bill: “Dunno, but I can tell you what I’m really RUBBISH at, if that’s any help?”