So Long and Thanks for All the Tummy Rubs

Back in 1984, author Douglas Adams wrote the fourth book of his ‘Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy trilogy’ (yes, I did say fourth book, so if you’re not familiar with Adams’ work, you will deduce that he’s something of a joker).

Anyway, this book was titled ‘So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish’ in reference to a message supposedly left by the dolphins as they departed Planet Earth before it was demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. (FYI: We are apparently now living on an alternate earth to which we were transported without our knowledge before our other planet earth was destroyed).

Well, anyway, the implication is that the dolphins saw the writing on the wall. Well, they are pretty smart creatures. After all, don’t they always look happy? And why wouldn’t they be, when they get to swim and play all day and people admire them, scratch their bellies and throw fish to them? Certainly doesn’t sound like much of a tough gig to me!

Well, anyway, the dolphin thing came to mind the other night as I was sitting watching TV with a great lump of Scruffy Dog positioned awkwardly on my lap while I stroked his head and scratched behind his ears. I thought to myself, “This dog has the life!” If I dared to stop stroking or scratching, he would gently take my hand in his mouth and ‘insist’ that I get back to my job.

Thus, it occurred to me that perhaps I am not his ‘Mistress’ after all. In fact, I started to wonder if, quite to the contrary, I am actually his PET? And a rather well trained pet at that!

I pondered the way dogs greet each other and wondered if perhaps, like the dolphins, their communication is way more sophisticated than we know.

As they sniff each other’s posteriors, might they really be having an inaudible discussion on the vagaries of ‘pet’ training?

“How’s your human doing?” Jake the Staffy might be saying to his buddy, Deefer the Beagle as they both cock their legs on a tree. “Got him trained up yet?”

“I’m working on it, Jake -- but he’s a tough one. Mind of his own! Got him opening the door for me on command, though. And, he’s getting the hang of ‘throw the stick’. But there’s a lot more work to be done. Might take him along to one of those pet obedience classes, actually.”

“Great idea. I once took my girl there and she caught on really quickly to the ‘give me treats if you want me to do something’ lesson. The look on her face is priceless when I ‘sit’ on command. Haven’t the heart to tell her I was planning to sit anyway but, hey, she gets a kick out of thinking she’s in charge, so why spoil her fun?”

“Ha ha! That’s hilarious, Jake. Well, must go! Gotta have his ‘walkies’, you know. Yes, I know you and I prefer to think of it as our ‘cardio vascular workout’ but, let’s face it, we need to keep the language simple for this lot. That’s why I usually stick to ‘woof’. It’s about the only thing they seem to understand.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Not the smartest breed on the planet, but at least they feed us twice a day, scratch our bellies, give us the odd bath and vaccination and get us out of the house every morning. So we can’t complain. Too bad they have to go to work every day to support us. But hey, I guess that’s what pets are for! ……….

Nice collar, by the way. Are those diamonds real?”